#thats the why my brain functions
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Men: hey you are cute
Me: you are a terrible liar and I don't trust your intentions.
Women: you are cute
Me: Well, it is not true but thank you for trying I know your heart is the best place as you said this, it really means a lot to me.
#thats the why my brain functions#im trying so hard to be Bi#but if you are not a fictional male#i will not trust you#probably lesbian
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📖 Myth & Sacred Scripture 📖
In Hellenic Polytheism and Mesopotamian Polytheism (and others but I don't want to speak for them) there is no sacred scripture where the words of a God are given to a myth writer and that writing is then declared holy by some form of religious authority.
The idea that myths are the literal actions of the Gods come from a concept of sacred scripture. Sacred meaning the words have holy implications or they have a fundamentally important connection to the divine. This understanding of religious writings is demonstrated in:
Protestant Christianity where the Bible is divinely inspired (usually derived from 1 Timothy 3:16 & 2 Peter 1:12). Additionally, in Trinitarian Christianity Jesus is God making his words in the Gospels the literal words of God.
Islam where the Quran are the words of God given to Mohammad via the angel Gabriel over the course of his life.
Judaism where traditionally the written Torah are the words of God given to Moses at Mt Sinai.
**There are more examples but I'm not going to try and talk about something I did not study.
This pervasive idea of scripture being the words of God embeds itself into a general view of what religion supposedly is because:
Christianity is the largest religion in the world.
Christianity is the dominant religion in English speaking countries, so when we have these discussions in English it tends to have that cultural Christian viewpoint.
Islam is the second largest religion in the world.
Islam considers the Jewish and Christian scriptures to also be given from God, but they have been corrupted in one way or another. This combination can put a mistaken emphasis on sacred scripture being a fundamental aspect of religion.
Even though Judaism is a very small religion the written Torah is considered part of the Christian Old Testament (first five books). Christians interpret the scripture completely differently but the idea of Moses receiving the Word of God at Mt Sinai continues into Christianity from Judaism.
In many "dead religions" the closest you can come to the "words of the gods" might be the writings of ancient oracles or those who communed directly with spirits & gods. However, in Greece and Mesopotamia there was no centralized religion or continuous tradition to overview and canonize them into sacred scripture. Additionally, those are not usually what people are talking about when they refer to myth.
Myth is extremely important, but mythic literalism is a misstep people make, often due to our preconceived notions of sacred scriptures and their connection to the divine.
-dyslexic not audio proof read-
-I hope this makes sense-
#in my educated opinion?#paganism#hellenic polytheism#polytheism#helpol#myth#sacred scripture#levpag#pagan#polytheist#mesopotamian polytheism#i was writing this in another post#and it was getting so long i thought it might just be better to make it its own#i really hope this makes sense#im very tired#and my brain doesn't like functioning anymore#i genuinely do not know if my wording makes sense any more#even when i re read it sometimes it sounds write and other times i feel like im reading gibberish#gods i need that neurology appointment#this wasn't editing a repost so thats why i worry#ofthetheoi#landof2rivers#steppingontoes
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at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!
#i have had this stupid fucking rule for myself for years since i was little#''dont speak unless you're spoken to or else something bad will happen. nobody wants to hear what you have to say unless they ask''#I TELL MYSELF THAT ALL THE TIME????#AND I DIDNT REALIZE IT WASNT NORMAL#thats not something that healthy people think to themselves whenever they want to talk to people. they just talk to them#they dont tell themselves not to speak to people for fear of what may happen to them jesus christ spacie#i get so scared when i message anybody ANYTHING#bc everything and anything i wanna talk about feels so stupid why would anyone give a shit#staring at a funny joke i want to send someone for 30 fucking minutes before deleting it b/c my brain is like ''errmm who cares?''#''also they're going to yell at you for wasting their time!!!''#i sent my friend a meme once and had a panic attack (or maybe a flashback?? im still trying to figure out what they are) immediately after#this shit sucks dude. it sucks#at least im processing what happened to me. thats why it hurts so bad rn its been stockpiled for like.#2 decades#im not looking for any sympathy here im just putting it out there#so that anybody who feels the same way i do know they're not alone#ive been struggling everyday for like 2 months now (actually DEFINITELY longer)#it will get better. things just need to be taken one step at a time#i have gotten thru my worst days i have a 100% success rate#how many days have i been alive#7930#lightwork#lets keep it goin#vent#trauma tw#trauma mention#wrote this post thru a flashback btw!! dealing with them is getting easier#before i would be unable to function for days at a time!!!#with one of the most recent ones i had i was so in the thick of it i avoided everyone i knew for a week cuz i was convinced#i was an evil unlovable freak that only wanted to hurt people
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i need an alternate opinion with an unbiased pair of eyes to tell me whether or not smth mildly bothering me is actually as shady as i see it to be but i'm on my period atm and my brain is not as cool and collected as it normally is so ill get back to this next week or so
#niyah.txt#the more i take myself out of the situation the more im like hmm i think my brain is simply in homicide mode rn so thats why i feel this way#but im also like eughhhhh... messy messy messy!!#i am not involved fr (thank god) bc if i was i would be actually plotting everyones downfall rn with the way my brain is functioning ���
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After that trailer we really deserve emotional compensation with fanservice in the form of cute and HAPPY wilmon boyfriends content.
Like you said, we all were expecting angst, but that was a lot. I need a balanced season this time bc it’s the last one, we are only getting them one last time and it would be really disappointing to have them go through hell and barely be able to be happy.
I am so glad u agree with me ive literally been having a mental breakdown for a week and i feel totally unhinged bc it feels like everyone else is happy and excited meanwhile i’m thinking about how much they have had to suffer and why they keep having to suffer and why suffering is never ending and it’s killing me 🙃
so personally i need more of this :
And more of this :
And more of this:
And more of this :
And more of this:
Thank you for coming to my ted talk 🙏🏾
#i dont need anyone im my asks saying what did u expect this isnt heartstopper blah blah blah BLAH#my anxiety does not care lmfao#these are my BABIESSSSSS#I HAVE LITERALLY BEEN THE BIGGEST OPTIMIST FOR MONTHS NOW#TELLING EVERYONE IT WILL BE FINE THEY WILL BE HAPPY THEY ARE BOYFRIENDS#buf seeing wilmon cry has literally destroyed me and idk how to function anymore#simon sounding like hes crying saying love shouldnt be difficult echoes in my brain#im gonna stop before i panic again#but anyway i just want to see them happy i really cannot comprehend why thats too much to ask for#young royals#wilmon#misfit answers asks
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i love my friends so much. i feel like yesterday i had a lot of shit going on in my head and i woke up to my friend explaining things in a way that put my mind at ease. i dont feel as anxious anymore because i know i was overthinking. i think my dad said it best when he told me that he thought my wonderful brain of mine just wants to think problems are bigger than they actually are. he is right! im just inexperienced in life and half of the time im scared im doing something wrong but- HEY. i need to be more confident in making mistakes. making mistakes doesn't define me as a person!! i need to stop worrying about doing life right and just live for the sake of living and doing what makes me happy!!!!!!!
#thank u blake. u really helped#also nessa!! thank u for that reblog about your perspective on my one post about feeling lost career wise#it helps me to know im not the only one living this life because holy fuck i can feel confused sometimes because.. am i doing this right?#and you know what? theres no correct path that i think there is but im just not good without a direct direction. it makes me a little#anxious about things#i dont know if its because i have some form of a disorder but i function better when i plan stuff out and give myself something to#decompress the problems and thoughts because in my brain theyre just all stuck and clumped together#and that can get a bit scary and overwhelming!!!#im just glad i have people that care about me. it means literally everything to me#so even if i dont 100% reply dont think i dont care because literally any ANY advice or kindness you show to me means the world#we're all just living this little life and we might as well make the best of it#people care..... thats just.... its good... it makes me feel less alone that people do#i love my friends so much#evennnn if we dont talk every day or are only mutuals in passing!!! it literally means a lot if people show me kindness#like holy shit!!! your older than me? and your dealing with a similar experience??? and your telling me that its okay??? and that itll be#okay?????#like#just the reassurance that things will be okay and work out and that im not the only one dealing with a feeling like mine#idk sometimes i just feel like im crazy and like my thoughts make no sense?? you know?? but yall get it#im glad that i have people who are older than me in my life cause yall have experienced stuff that i can use to be better#like your life experiences can help me in a way that can make a difference on my perspective on things#its why i like talking to my coworkers. because theyve seen things and done things i havent and their perspective can teach me potentially#i just dont feel so overwhelmed with life when i talk to people who understand#i feel so young and yet old enough to know but even the people who are older dont know so im sort of on the right track i suppose depending#on how you look at it#so- im just gonna live my life and smile because!!! you gotta.#you gotta surround yourself with people who can enrich you and teach you things for the better and make you want to grow#some of you are like that#you may not know that#but that kindness means so much
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im gonna start screaming in 3...2....1....
#i dont get it man#how are people doing this#this living and functioning like an adult and not getting absolutely overwhelmed by the smallest thing#i need to clean my flat so bad. but i dont know where to start and it's quite literally killing me.#its like a goddamn paralysis. i cant move. because i dont know. where. to. start.#also i started doing laundry in the wrong order and it ruined my whole fucking day lol#and now that this part is ruined i literally cant bring myself to do anything else because it just feels Wrong#and i have a train to catch at 4 pm and technically i know thats 9 hours away and that's A Lot. like logically. i know.#but i still feel like that's not enough time#fuck me fuck me fuck me why is my brain like this
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im just rewatching a lot of stuff so hear me out
with the adventure 99 kids, the only way they know how to interact with digimon is if the world is at stake. there is a definite Divide of the human and digital world. the hikarigaoka and odaiba fog incident seals the deal with them. next time theyre called, diaboromon is rampaging the internet, and they can finally see their friends again. they had to part ways, and deal with growing without them first.
with the 02 cast, the worlds intertwine. they deal with enemies that interact with them in both worlds and have influence in both. by episode 50, the digimon being at home is a pretty open secret. they do everything together and in the 02 cast were a part of the incidents.
thats why kizuna was so jarring for them. at least taichi, yamato and sora. with the digimon now being more known, they could take them to class. they could have lunch out with them. however, there is definitely a cloud of 'I have only seen them in a life-threatening situation, what can I do with them' thoughts that's blocking them from having fun with them.
jou's arc in adventure especially speaks out to me. his issues are especially why he and gomamon are still together. its because of the issues at home. in the digital world, he learns the value of reliability in his own way. his own choice, as both a Chosen Child and as a person.
dealing with problems that relate to human social issues is hard for the 99 digidestined because all they know dealing with problems is to fight their way through it. it doesn't pass their thoughts that the digimon themselves are related to their own personal issues.
#digimon adventure#digimon 02#meta#digimon kizuna#analysis#jyou kido#joe kido#digimon are our inner children#and this is why i have been saying i want a gomamon all week#im at the tri taichi stage of WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING AND WHAT DO I DO#I DONT WANT TO DO ANYTHING /WRONG/#so once i get up to 02 with one of my friends i will share this thought#fr growing up with digimon and especially as the older versions of the kids are already out shows a difference#everyone who watched while airing already experienced growing up#my version of growing up /is/ the digimon series#everything is on fire. heres some trauma. oh yea heres this big decision. the fate of how i interact with the world changes with what i do#also the dub line of 'because thats what im supposed to do' from episode 48 changed my brain function#pov the things you are expected to do can leave you with scars. you want to scream.
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processed some trauma i think
#i did a lot of things very wrong when i was a teenager but also i was a teenager and everything was difficult#i feel bad for how i ended some of my friendships over the years bc it was often like.#they were clearly struggling. something was deeply wrong with all of my friends home lives. deadly serious things. molestation abuse etc#but when i was 14-16 that was extremely difficult for me to contextualize. i knew it was bad of course i wasnt stupid#it was more just. i didnt have the life experience to know just How Much it affected a person.#that type of shit can obliterate healthy functioning adults. the type of behavior it invokes in teens can be fucking UNPARALLELED#it affects your entire brain and body. i dont think theres a single part of you thats left completely undamaged.#in retrospect i now recognize that there was more i could've done. i could've talked to my parents more and i really dont know why I didnt.#i think I just felt like nothing could be done?#and there probably wasnt much that could be done#but idk. it could've helped me process it which could've helped them process it.#and as important as i think compassion is. even towards people who can be viscerally unpleasant. i was a kid. not a social worker#it was the responsibility of the adults around us to make it better. and they either failed or made it worse.#it's just awful to think back on it and realize that we were all in this shit together. but the trauma ripped us apart anyway.#i really sincerely hope everyone from those dA chatroom days are doing better now. i hope they're safe. i hope they're not dead.#it's always going to bother me a little bit that i have no way of knowing what happened to any of them.
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that epic relatable moment when you give your opinion in class about the film you watched and now you regret speaking because what if your opinion was bad even though that’s subjective and everyone probably hates you and thinks your dumb because you just have silly brain and will never be able to fully articulate your thoughts into words so they will never understand the whole point you were getting at
#can you tell i’m functioning okay#i actually need help#like why can’t i just be normal#and not have silly brain#and not think about stupid stuff that doesn’t even matter#like i barely talk in class#because it’s scary#but like what if im dumb#and i decided to be brave and share my little opinion for once#but it’s bad and stupid#ARG THATS IT#gonna go rot in bed 😔
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Physical flashbacks are so weird like "hey the body and amygdala want you to know! *you involuntarily recoil as if the Pain is happening despite there being no actual physical pain*"
And then you have to act like nothing just happened because technically nothing actually happened???? Like how is this helpful
#like brain body i love you but stfu#like fr stfu why is this happening to me the shit im thinking about either didn't happen or was Very Long Ago#well the stuff that didn't happen ig how would i know#but also it doesn't fucking matter!!!! im thousands of miles away!????#i shouldn't have to feel this way why is it interfering with my Life#it's legitimately debilitating but god forbid i seek any supports cuz im too functional normally to deserve help#that's what it feels like anyway#it's not fuckin fair lol i can do it but it's hard#vent#yeah thats what this tirned into lmfao#im not like distraught just. annoyed mostly?#but i promise it's not that serious#Normal For Our Condition type shit
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I learned about cons before I learned about con- which is why words like congruent, concur, and condiment confused me for such a long time
#thats a lie I never even realized until like 10th grade congruent had con- at the beginning#also I realized midway through that I prolly learned about pros and cons before the like verb conning#so seriously why the hyuck are they called cons??????#I know why conventions are called cons but like why tf is a con artist- ohhhhhhhhh#is that why?#oh.#maybe thats why#my brain functioning in real time everyone#language#linguistics
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people interacting w wgoin in my notes... this would be a rly bad time to say all my writing will probably be on hiatus for the indefinite future huh
#not like it makes a practical difference considering i only upload twice a year at best#but im realising how much my writing is shame motivated and its just not sustainable or healthy#it saddens me that these stories i invested So much time and effort into will probably never get finished#i wanna hold out hope that they will but#i dont want anyones expectations to be too high#bc knowing myself they probably wont#i started wgoin thinking that this would be the story i commit to finishing and not just abandon as soon as i get bored#but that was before i had really realised how my brain works#and for a while writing these chapters have felt very forced#gbgb had a much better run till it crashed and i was just unable to pick it back up#tbh that one could potentially still be saved bc of how open ended it is if i get any inspo for it back whatsoever#bc it had no strict plan i was entirely making it up as i go#and im realising thats how i write best. i tried to plan wgoin so id commit to finishing it but im realising that has the opposite effect#if i plan anything too thoroughly writing it becomes like gnawing on lead#cause i got all the dopamine out of the idea already#i write best when i have nothing but a vague idea or a vibe#gbgb crashed bc i ran out of vibes and ideas but if i find any again who knows#there is the possibility where i scrap the plan i had for wgoins entire plot and make the rest up as i go#which i might try purely bc i love the story sm#and i think i enjoyed writing it most back in the first three parts where i Was making it up as i went#which is why im saying indefinite hiatus instead of discontinued#bc there is hope for them. just not. much#so if u stick around maybe follow me on ao3 if u dont wanna see all my posts n just my stories#maybe in 3 years time youll see another wgoin notif or sumn#sorry to the small but dedicated handful of readers who really loved these fics#i wanted to write more for you guys bc ik its hard to find this kinda fic anywhere else; its why i started writing it#but i am but one unmedicated autist w severe adhd. we r working on the unmedicated part tho#ive learned so much abt how my brain functions now n how to make the most of it tho#i told myself id finish any new writing before i post it. so know anything new Will be complete :3#mischiefing time
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the way i have plans at 3 pm and my brain decided to be like "whelp! guess that's all for today folks! might as well count down the hours until the Appointment arrives" and its like 11 am
#why is my brain like this why can't you just function like a normal fucken organ#i haven't studied in WEEKS and i need to cook dinner but am i doing any of that? no#adhd#taro speaks#its literally 1 pm already and i haven't done shit cause i keep thinking about how i need to be ready for my appointment thats in TWO HOURS#send help my brain is not working
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RP:
Log 231
FTL: I do believe that I've made a breakthrough. I have isolated the genes that I believe affect instinct the most. Due to the fact that I have no semblance of poleplant genetics, I do not believe that I'll be able to implant the need to search for poleplants into the lizard, as my first thought on how to do that would be to make it capable of differentiating poleplant genetics specifically. Perhaps that's impossible in general. But I have come up with a plan that is the most plausible one I've had so far.
FTL: What if I were to make the lizard capable of eating poleplants? Currently unsure of how it would result in a sample getting brought back to me, but it would be a beneficial move either way. If it instinctively knows that something is safe to eat - whether I explicitly modify its instincts or not - then it would be capable of recognising the 'safe food: poleplants. I'm sure that a green lizard would be capable of winning against a poleplant, though if I give it some extra modifications to give it an advantage...
FTL: Though perhaps that would be a tad excessive. Either way, this is the best solution that I currently have. I'll have to think on how to instill the 'bringing a sample back to me' part, as well as what modifications will be necessary in order to make it capable of consuming a poleplant - as well as potentially those to help it in the defeat of its prey. Rather reluctant in the latter, as well. Last time I tried giving a lizard (though it was a cyan one) extra predatory advantages (venom, in this case), FTLR-3 happened. Though that's not the primary cause of my reluctance, but I suppose it contributes.
FTL: Speaking of FTLR-3 and the situation surrounding my defeat of it, I do still need to talk to Echoes of a Paradox. Perhaps a bit... cruel? Apathetic? Insensitive? Those are all words that fit. But which over one is used, perhaps I am a bit of that word due to the fact that it simply is not my priority as of this moment. My work always takes priority over other Iterators, though maybe I'm also incredibly hesitant to even engage in conversation with them. It's irrelevant either way, but this is a note to myself to do so.
FTL: I should also talk to LIFEGIVER. I'm assuming that he's gone out out to help defeat Third Vast Attempt, due to his lack of response to the... argument. I do not blame him, and I must say that I'm somewhat relieved that I do not have to continue that conversation any longer. But I do feel that I should apologise, perhaps. My stances have not been changed, but I haven't made an effort as he was asking of me. I will not be doing so, and any apology that I do transmit to him would be sent at a future point in time. In the end, even he does not take precedence over my work.
FTL: Speaking of my work, I've come to the conclusion that this purposed greed lizard project has become its own project instead of a sub-project. I will be making a separate file for my observations, notes, and progress, as I do for all of my projects. Once this project is over though, it will continue to lead directly into the white lizard-poleplant hybrid experiment.
FTL: This really will be beneficial to succeed in this. I do believe that the methods that I will be employing in the purposing of the green lizard are perhaps atypical in the field of purposed organisms, though that doesn't really matter. It will be helpful to myself either way, on top of it being a very interesting endeavour in general. Perhaps I should have done this earlier.
#yeah ftl is overcomplicating the SHIT out of this#and i also am too small brain to figure out how traditional purposed oragnisms function#so here you go: ftls overcomplicated workaround thatll work bcs i said so#whhhYYY THE FUCK IS THIS SO LONG#also its 4:47 rn this is the latest i think ive ever a log dont quote me on that im not sure#but mmmmmmm#THIS LOG IS ACTUALLY RLY GOOD AND NCIE AND DAMN MY FTL WRITING HAS BEEN GOOD TODAY AND IDK WHY#i think its cause my mental health isnt as shit as it was a week ago LMAO#anygays thats enough rambling#rp#finely-tuned line#ftl logs
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#*problems occur on a project multiple ppl r working on* my boss @ me: what do u wanna do?#me. disastrously burnt out: i couldnt not even to give a fuck abt all this. i dont care i dont care i dont care#but thats not what i say. i say ok ill talk to the ppl and see how i can drop everything to help. and that probably means driving an hour#away to the other uni which is irrationally terrifying to me to the point where it will probably destroy my whole week a prevent me from#sleeping when i already am struggling to sleep. but its fine. ill get it done and itll be fine. for this stupid fucking project i dont#care abt. ay its so weird. ive never been this angry abt things. i mean its not even really anger its more dispair and frustration but it#manifests as just wanting to scream and throw a fit like a toddler. and i mean its my fault. i dont have to live the way that i do. i mean#i do but in an irrational compulsive way that i cant entirely control. but like its Saturday and i sepent 6 and a half hours taking#measurements and then met with my boss for like an hour and she was showing me cool imagines and talking abt cool new collaborators at her#new school and im just sitting there trying to maintain a smile bc my brain is semi disconnected from my body and im so exhausted#ugh. my brain is so fucked rn. i dont want to drive with even lower functioning thsn usual. and i was gonna meet my friend Tuesday morning#for once. and i might have to drive back and forth multiple days. ans what's my reward if were successful? two fucking weeks of watering#and measurement taking and i might have to stand around other ppl in all that time as well. usually im off spinning in circles by myself#amd looking unapproachable. i dont want to have to b a person around the undergrads#god im so weird. its like from the outside perspective if u were looking thru the window at me u would see me using a hammer and assume im#putting something together and i am but im also hammering nails thru my hand which no one asked me to do#so then why do i have to do it? ugh. thats y its a hard thing to complain abt bc ppl r like oh it sounds like ur compulsive habbits make u#productive and successful and yea sure but they're also destroying my life. im laying on the floor doubled over in pain and ppl r like oh#look how useful u r. who gives a fuck everything feels stretched and distorted like im suffering some sort of selfimposed Devin punishment#whatever. fuck this. tomorrow ill try my hardest to relax. literally i cant remember the last time i stayed in bed until at least 7am. ugh#but i also have some bullshit i have to get done tomorrow so well see#uuuuuugh let me leave this place @ schools send me ur official offers pls i wanna plan out my life for the next 5yrs#unrelated
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